CLAUDIA KRELBORN, CHEERIEST ORPHAN ALIVE
by John Richards
Summary: My take on the Claudia Krelborn OC.  No, I did not get permission from Claudia's original creator, though I would be interested in their reaction.  :D


Before I begin, an author's note. I did not get permission from the creator of Claudia for this fic. This fic is based entirely on my own interpretation of Claudia. Further, the intent of this fic is similar to BURN-E. If you own the WALL-E DVD, you know what I'm talking about.

We get our title card, CLAUDIA KRELBORN, CHEERIEST ORPHAN ALIVE. It disappears, and the door flies open.

"Hi, Mr. Mushnik! Is Seymour there?" Standing in the doorway is a little girl with an impossibly wide grin, covered in rags.

"Uh, I'll check." Mr. Mushnik looks nervous, almost to the point of being out-of-character.

"Thank you, Mr. Mushnik!" Claudia says as Mushnik walks downstairs.

"What is it?" asks Seymour. Mr. Mushnik shushes him.

"Krelborn, it's your stalker."

"Oh, God, Claudia. Tell her I'm not here."

"Okay, but... you know you have to do something about this eventually." Mr. Mushnik returns upstairs. "I'm afraid he's, uh, not here."

"Aw, that's too bad," says Claudia, still smiling. "Goodbye!" She apparently exits, but proceeds to play with the doorknob instead of actually leaving. We cut to a nighttime scene. Claudia is walking outside the shop, when suddenly, she sees Audrey Two in the window, about a foot tall. "OMIGOSH A PLANT!" she shouts, jumping towards the window.

Unfortunately, she lands on the bum who sleeps in front of the window, who immediately sings "THEN YOU GO" upon waking up, causing Claudia to fall off.

Next we cut to the end of Ya Never Know. Seymour is called away by Mushnik with a "Krelborn!"

"What?" asks Seymour.

"It's her, again, Krelborn." Seymour stares past Mushnik's shoulder, to the glimmer in Claudia's shark-like grin.

"Uh, tell her I'm not here."

_"She's looking at you."_

"Uh, tell her I'm busy." Seymour and Mushnik stare at each other for a few seconds, and we cut to Seymour and Claudia getting tickets for The Totally Friendly Thing From Under The Bed (In 3D). Claudia still has her standard expression, and Seymour looks incredibly frustrated. Now we cut to Claudia watching the conclusion of Dentist! from behind a dumpster. She suddenly rushes in as though she were Leeroy Jenkins, angry for the first time.

"You're a monster! How dare you treat a woman that way? Go die in a ditch!" As she continues ranting in this manner, Orin gains a bemused expression.

Now we cut to Claudia running through Skid Row, with a happy expression once again, albeit behind a giant retainer. At this point, she sees Seymour and Audrey on top of a fire escape, kissing. "Hi Seymour! :D" Seymour disengages from Audrey and looks down from the fire escape to Claudia.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, no no. Claudia, you don't do that," says Seymour.

"But-"

"You're not even my real cousin!"

"What?"

"You made that up because you were obsessed with having a family!" shouts Seymour. "They should have never let you pick your own last name!" Seymour and Audrey resume their kissing, as Claudia walks away, dejected and depressed for the first time.

"Hi, Mr. Mushnik," she says as she passes him, not noticing his angry, shocked expression and the magnifying glass in his hand. Now we cut to a montage of Claudia in rainy, cloudy, dark scenes, as she sings "Tomorrow" from Annie in its entirey. At first she is depressed, but over the course of the song she becomes happy again. The montage and the song end, a week later in story-time, and Claudia encounters Seymour, who is crazed, backed up against a wall, holding a knife, and muttering about finding something, somehow, someone... "Seymour!" Claudia squees cheerfully.

Seymour facepalms. "Claudia..."

"Yes?" Seymour stares at Claudia, and then his knife, and almost gags. Then he comes up with something else...

"Um, I was wondering if you could help me with a scientific test I was going to do, you know, for the lecture tour."

"Oh, sure! What is it?"

"I want you to go several miles out of town, and, uh, stand there for several days. And see if another plant falls out of the sky."

"Oh, like Audrey Two!"

"Right, exactly, now go!"

"Thanks Seymour!" We get several shots of Claudia running through New York. Eventually she gets out of the city and into a field, where she stands. She stands in the same place, in the same position, for several days of different weather conditions, which we see in a brief montage. Then, we cut to an exterior shot of a large airplane with the letters WBE painted on the side. We then have a shot inside the plane. It's absolutely filled with boxed Audrey Twos - and one large, unboxed one, which attacks the pilot. The plane crashes just a few yards from Claudia, but she doesn't notice. The impact causes it to spray its cargo everywhere - one of which lands in Claudia's hands. She suddenly becomes alert. "Oh boy! I'm gonna have to go straight back to Seymour!" We then get some shots of her running through New York again, until she gets to Skid Row. We get a few more shots of her looking in assorted places in Skid Row, calling "Seymour! Seymour!" Eventually she looks in the wrong alleyway, and an Audrey Two lunges out and consumes her. We cut to credits with cheery music.


End file.
